Post #4 Empowerment

Imagine growing up in a body where your senses are constantly assaulted: fabrics, water, sand, sounds, food textures, eye contact, surfaces all offend. Add the inability to understand or be understood. Add poor balance and injuries, a fear of escalators.  Add night terrors, the worst of it all – and aptly named. The screams are terrifying and consuming. Luke trembling with fear, leaping onto me as I run in. My job was to talk him down, never far away; it was unthinkable for Luke to be alone in that dark space.

Imagine growing up in a body where your senses are constantly assaulted.

A friend’s 5^th birthday party at the park included an elevated play space accessible by steel or rope ladders and climbing ramps. The game quickly became “keep away from Luke”; children instantly figured out that Luke could not navigate the play equipment to participate. It was wrenching to watch.  Luke chased the kids from his place on the ground, exhausting himself in vain. The message was clear:  his brain was not wired to process the steps involved. Luke could not plan.

his brain was not wired to process the steps involved. Luke could not plan.

In Kindergarten, Luke was the size of a third grader. It made him a target: a boy pushing him from behind into hard surfaces, tripping him, taunting him. It went on for years. Luke could not understand why anyone would want to hurt him. We used stickers as rewards, created a social “contract”, tried being friends. We worked with parents, administrators, the school to no avail. Luke’s heightened fear for his personal safety is justified. I’d be afraid to be in Luke’s world too.

I’d be afraid to be in Luke’s world too.

The bullying continued until the day that I noticed blue marker near his temple. When Luke woke up, he told me that Connor (not the real name) kicked him while on the ground. I checked for messages from the school nurse – nothing. That’s crossing the line.  I’m old school. We tried diplomacy. Once In the principal’s office, “see this, this is sacred territory. No one touches my son’s face. Luke was kicked in the head, and I wasn’t told! So dangerous! If it happens again, we’re pressing charges.” BAM! Mama Bear is in the house.

It’s essential to empower your child; help them navigate and gain control.

It’s essential to empower your child; help them navigate and gain control. Listen closely to what they say, to how they view the world. Believe in them. Note their brilliant insights. Near our home, a single bulb stoplight turned green, but instead of green circle, it was a green arrow pointing towards the sky. Inevitably, Luke would look up each time. Which cars go that way? Of course! A city worker put the wrong light in, and when you grow up, you’re going to fix that. Luke flashed a broad smile. Validation rocks.

Let’s fix that!

When learning his letters, Luke was drawn to the keyboard and found an anomaly. Microsoft used uppercase letters, except for the ‘L’ which was lowercase. Let’s fix that! A letter, a response, and a new keyboard was a source of pride, and accomplishment. Luke is a natural problem solver, who is beginning to internalize the power to control outcomes.

Anticipate new situations that create anxiety and over prepare with immersion.

At age eight, Luke was on edge over my use of a cell phone during a thunderstorm near a glass door. Luke was enabled as “Safety Captain” thereafter. We developed an evacuation plan and rehearsed scenarios. When a fire nearby forced evacuation, Luke remained calm. Anticipate new situations that create anxiety and over prepare with immersion, such as exploring a new school, seeing the classroom, finding your name for backpack storage – anything to normalize and reduce anxiety.

We explored and demystified the world with Luke.

Night terrors. The most recent event was triggered by the sound of a hanger lightly swinging against the adjacent wall to Luke’s room. These episodes are unnerving and traumatic. Enter our “Train Your Brain” game. Learn the sounds in the home, in the car, at school, and in the community. It’s how the ice maker turns on and off, which stairs make creaking sounds, the buzzers for appliances. We explored and demystified the world with Luke. Within months, the night terrors abated. Solid progress.    

Tune into your child’s lens of the world and how we can learn from them.

What stands out is all that we do not see that Luke does see. Luke immediately knew the stoplight was out of place, that the keyboard was flawed, that my safety was in question during the storm. He was more aware, naturally in tune, looking at the world through fresh eyes. Tune into your child’s lens of the world and how we can learn from them, how our children make us better people – how wonderful and perfect they already are.